If you have ever been in
a long term relationship, whether it led to marriage or not, you know that when
it ends, whether sour or mutual, there are most likely some hurt feelings
involved.

I went from high school
where I had lived at home with my parents and sisters, to college where I had
had roommates, straight to marriage. Now I was about to be alone, really on my
own, for the first time. I had my child but she was a dependent, not the type
companion I was used to. Over the next
year or so, I coped with a lot, mostly feelings of shame, since I was the one
who had “cheated” in the relationship. It took me quite some time to forgive
myself. I would soon find out that many around me would need even more time
forgiving me. (And I’m not talking about my EX!)
When my current
husband and I started dating, my entire past was rehashed, embellished and thrown back in HIS face on MY behalf! I
couldn’t believe how fellow church members, who thought they knew my story, were adding to the “he say, she say”
drama, trying to discourage him from giving me a chance. Now I’m a writer, but
let me tell you, some of the things people dreamed up and accused me of were
far better than a lot of the situations I have had in several of my plays!
(LOL) Here we were trying to get to know one another, and everyone around us
was so busy concerned with what we were doing, I’m certain they neglected some
events in their own lives.
But we worked through it
because we saw things in each other that told us we belonged together. Now I’m
a firm believer that you NEVER share your entire past with anyone, especially
your partner. It’s just unnecessary baggage. The important stuff, vital to a
relationship, you share those things but every little gory detail I don’t think
that’s needed. (Maybe that’s just me) Nevertheless, I was honest with him and
he was with me when we had questions about each other’s pasts. Once the
questions were answered that was that, we promised there would be no constant
digging and prodding. The more you dig
the more things you don’t want or need to find, you’ll find.

I said all that to say
this, once my new hubby and I moved passed everyone else’s opinions and leaned
on God, we found He would supply all we needed in our union to be successful. I
feel that now I am experiencing what marriage is really supposed to be. I spoke
to a friend of mine who is also in her second marriage and feels she got it right this time. After a life of painful
in-law blues and a spouse who was a pretender, my friend is now enjoying her “second time around” as well.
If God is a forgiving God
why can’t we be as quick to forgive one another? Why not be happy for someone
who is finding happiness in their second marriage instead of scorning or
branding them as a failure, because their first marriage didn’t work out to
your liking? You never know where a person has been until you have walked a mile
in their shoes. I think it would behoove us all to be more compassionate with
one another, especially, when we are going through marital issues. Be grateful
that it’s not you and your spouse
considering divorce and certainly do not condemn the couple. Who knows, getting
divorced and remarried may be the best thing that ever happened to them.
Think
about it!
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